Life Shift - 6 Practice Safe Bonding

Conversations that start with the phrase, "I'm struggling" acknowledges you are having a hard time and you are open to feedback, guidance, and suggestions by those around you. Shifting involves the idea of getting into the arena of life which often incorporates the need for assistance from others.  

By being vulnerable, you allow others to assist you with your goals thereby making you stronger. Having others on your side also has the added benefit of decreasing the negative effects of stress and isolation. Over time, asking for help gets easier, and the healthier support you experience, the better equipped you become for handling other challenges down the road.

Dr. Alice Boyes is author of the resource book entitled The Anxiety Toolkit (2015). When asking for help she suggests several key steps in getting the assistance you need. The first step is to demonstrate that you have already tried to help yourself. Explain what attempted solutions you have already acted on. For Boyes, you then need to demonstrate a willing to follow through with offered suggestions is important for drawing in assistance. Boyes also suggests you consider the timing of your request for showing respect and also increasing the full focus of the helper.

It is also important to clarify what type of helping hand you need. Are you looking for advice, support, or just physical muscle for getting through the moment? Dr. Boyes recommends making your requests using multiple channels. She highlights the importance to provide others various channels for offering their assistance. 

And for us to request assistance from varying resources for increasing the range of suggested possible solutions to our issue. And lastly, Boyes reminds us to offer help and support to others for building those collaborative relationships for long term bonding and friendship.

Having well established support systems has the added benefit of greater mental flexibility for considering creative solutions to challenges around us. These support systems allow us to relax and examine problematic events from an open mind perspective.  

Secure attachment to significant partners and colleagues allows us to ask for help with the open frame for others to feel free in offering highly creative avenues of possible answers. Brainstorming opportunities are created for looking at situations from new perspectives that maximize your potential to successfully respond to the challenge before you. Your confidence goes up allowing further "win-win" opportunities to play out with those wanting and able to provide your assistance.