Life Shift - 1 Define Safety Needs

When taking ownership of your life, the ability to define and set clear boundaries is necessary for being self-determinant. For many of us, experiences in our family life, work setting, and even significant relationships has robbed us of happiness and a sense of safety for feeling good about our existence. Taking ownership of life shifts involves the ability to influence our surrounding thereby allowing our minds, bodies, and inner spirit to settle into a relaxed state. Boundaries are essential to healthy relationships and, really, a healthy life.

Dr. Dana Gionta (2014) is a leading psychologist and life coach that specializes with helping people learn the skill of setting clear boundaries. Gionta believes setting and sustaining boundaries is a life skill that most people did not learn in their youth and even early adult years. She explains most adult learned one or two simple pointers by watching others at work or in the community. For Gionta, the secret is to know and understand what your limits are for then building the structures for you to get your expectations met in a safe fashion.

Dr. Gionta's suggestions for building better boundaries and maintaining them include: identifying your stress limits, knowing your discomfort red flags, being clear with your intentions, and giving yourself permission to be healthy. Her other coaching pointers include: the need to experiment and practice for refining skills, making all-around self-care a priority, and the willingness to follow through with one's stated action plan. And of course, having an encouraging support system is Gionta's recommendation for getting started in shifting one's stance with others.  

Setting boundaries takes courage, practice, and support from those who also care about your well-being. By starting small and building your skills and confidence, you can begin to shift your life into new avenues of health and happiness. Shifting starts with defining your emotional, physical, and even sexual needs for clarifying the structures needed for building security and mutual "win-win" relationships. 

Boundaries assist people in the psychological task of differentiating their own needs from the needs of others. The respected goal that people can be different provides everyone the ability to get close and define how each person wants to work and live together. Harmony for all is improved when clear lines of differentiation are welcomed and respected for fostering the empowering belief in self-determination. Boundaries then provide further guidance in goal setting for other avenues of personal well-being.